This was killing me

I'm getting sick again. I feel it. My insides hurt, my body aches, I have no energy... And most of all I can't digest properly. FUCK! If I am supposed to go I want God to just take me now. I do not want to be dragged through this, again. I can't. This is insane. I am so upset nothing makes sense, including my thoughts. If anyone out there is reading this, sorry for that. I'm not sure anyone even looks at this. It's fine by me if not. I need a vice, but all I want to do is stay inside, listen to music, read, write... That's it. I need to keep human interaction minimal. What's the point of making a connection just to inevitably say goodbye? Whether I die in a year or fifty it all ends either way. Right now my feelings could be completely erotic, but I don't care. I feel like being extremely reactive, screaming, going out and acting repulsive... I want to do something, but I'm not going to. I'm twenty three years old. I'm too young to die. The curtains can't close... We're not even in intermission yet... This cannot be the final act.