Nights are the hardest. Mornings used to be pretty hard too. Now I am used to waking up with out a good morning from you. But the nights are what kill me. I can't sleep. You monopolize my thoughts. Even if I am having a good day I want to call you at night and tell you all about it and I can't and then I get sad. And when my days are tough I want to call you too because you always knew how to make me feel better. It's been three weeks. I find myself listening to messages you left me just so I can hear your voice. From time to time I read e-mails you sent me and I look at your picture almost daily. I know in time it won't hurt as much. I just want this feeling to go away though. It hurts too bad. My heart aches. I feel lost and incomplete. I wonder what you're doing. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and I wondered if you were awake like before when you'd wake up and I'd wake up at the same time, so far away from each other as if we were connected. I wondered if you were awake last night. I wonder if you think about me. I wonder if you miss me. I wonder if you even care. I used to know exactly how you felt. I could read you pretty well, it used to scare you how well in fact. But now I might as well be a stranger. This is hard. I feel like you died. I feel like my best friend died. I don't talk about you that much anymore. I keep it all inside. And then, on nights like these, it all comes out. I silently weep in my room, in the dark. I don't even want to lay in my bed. It makes me think of the nights I'd lay in my bed talking to you, for hours at a time. I don't even want to get close to anyone. I don't want to meet anyone new. No one will be you. I just don't want it. Each day has been a step towards feeling better, today I feel like I took 10 steps back. I pray to God desperately. but who am I to even ask anything of God? This is hard.