The Only Thing That Met Me Halfway Was Disappointment.

Knowing how I felt, knowing the battle I face everyday to abide by your rules and appease you, must mean I love you in some sort of way.

Your idea of love is the sort of thing you do after a cheap date.

A hug here and a kiss there.

I could make it look right and feel right and manipulate it right.

I used to play you like a puppet.

I got tired of games though… Guess you could say I sort of got attached.

Playing on the same level was a lot harder, it meant I was giving over control… of at least part of my feelings.

I never liked being vulnerable. I don’t play humiliation that well either.

As soon as I gave in was just as soon as you took over.

You’re new sense of control was over powering to you.

Never having felt this way you took it for all it was worth and now I was playing the pitiful one.

It is always about some sort of game with you.

When the equation just meant the two of us things were a lot easier… I guess I got more involved when the equation got changed…
Our son came into this world.

My whole idea on relationships changed; My needs and wants, they were all modified.

Things were different then, they are different now.

As I grew, and I learned and accepted that myself was one thing that wouldn’t be first for a long time…

I became a mother.

The family concept shifted my needs. This process all started to happen for me.

I don’t think the process ever begun with you.

What you need is not what I need, I need things before that.

My needs involve this family and making this unit work, the duo of us has to work after the family part works.

The love of each other is ultimately the love of the family and when the family works we will work, everything can fall into place.
But you have things backwards.

You think you need to have this and that before you can act in the way your family needs you to act.

You put the needs of yourself before the needs of your children, your partner, and when things don’t work for you first you screw the needs of everyone else.

Loveless, how can anything be loving without you completely there…

I can’t trust you, I can’t count on you, I can’t feel safe by you.

Your actions are not fair to me… Imprisoned as I am by you and I don’t even get a thanks.

Everything is over looked, yet any little task you do has to be over appreciated or you’ll feel “shot down” and will do even less.
Well, try doing and doing and getting nothing and still doing!

You couldn’t handle it.

It wouldn’t work for you.

I make it work for me though, because I need it to work for you, for the kids, for our little unit.

Where am I, worrying about you after I made you dinner and baked you a cake? It’s your favorite kind of cake too.

Where are you? Drunk with people? Playing music, with other people?

You won’t even tell me everything!

You’re one paycheck away from broke, you have one kid here and one on the way.

Yet you have no cares, your actions care for no one…