“Let me listen to me and not to them.”

- Gertrude Stein

half way point

We've reached the half way point of this year and I can hardly believe it. Was it really six months ago that my grandma passed? And has it really been six months since my heart first felt captivated by him? It all didn't work out how we had hoped and wanted, but even so, I haven't stopped missing her or him. Through distance, other relationships, anger, pain, humiliation... My heart deeply aches for him still. I know that things go wrong so that I can appreciate them when they are right and I also know that good things fall apart so that better things can fall together. I'm not sure how ready I am for him, but I am ready for things to start falling together...

Here we go again.

There he is. Like a scene from a movie - there he is. Their eyes connect and the time lapse seems to fade, along with the bitterness that had temporarily replaced the captivation she had felt for him. Through out the night she maintained distance, although every once in a while, she'd catch him staring. Exhaling out the past and inhaling the presence, all she could think was... Here we go again.

Full Circle

I'm incredibly grateful for my existence. I feel like such a hippie about life right now. I know not everyone sees through "rose colored glasses" like I do, but even that indifference makes life more beautiful to me. "We" will always see by our own definition and our interpretations are strictly based off of our own perceptions. It can all be rough and tumble, but when it's lovely the rough and tumble falls from the limelight. This is exactly how I find my way back to myself. And you know what? Myself isn't that bad of a place.

Dear Nothing

I dial your number... even though I know it's gone. And I send you these messages, unto cyber nothing, knowing you'll never see them. The worst of all is the old voicemails, from you, that I listen to... knowing you aren't a part of my life anymore. I know if I could talk to you I'd reach you, but I think you were afraid of that. I miss you. I miss us.

Yours
<3

I'll admit it

I am starting a new section of my blog, called "I'll admit it." At least weekly I will post a normally disclosed thought of mine for everyone to see. This may be my worst idea ever, but it on the chance it's not, I'm going to do it. I firmly believe that true beauty lies within the imperfections.

So, here's my first go at it...

I'll admit it - I listen to voicemails, that I can not delete, from people who are not even in my life anymore.

just call me trouble

It's as if your dreams have slipped through the barrier that normally keeps them out of your awareness during the day. It's a challenge to discern real life from fantasy now, which makes it hard for you to make a decision. You could get into trouble today because things tend to look better than they actually are. Stop for a reality check before you make any significant moves.

I'm all moves and full of trouble... super calculated. I think I've already gotten into trouble once today... oh no!